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Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts

I GOT YOUR SIX


Hubs: Hey, let’s see you do the POST course.
 Me: I mean, I’m good. I don’t even know it.
Hubs: Come on!! I’ll talk you through it. You got this!!

60 ROUNDS LATER…

Hubs: WOW!!
 Me: How’d I do for my first try?
Hubs: You shot a 105!!
 Me: Is that pretty good?
Hubs: You have no idea how good of a shot you are.

Quick background, in order for an officer to pass the POST firearms qualification course they must fire through the full course at least four times, that’s 240 total rounds. They must achieve an average score of not less than 96 out of a possible 120.

I’m not an officer, but I’m the wife of LEO. I’m constantly learning the field of law enforcement because it is a HUGE part of my life and knowledge is empowering. Being able to go to the range with my husband helps not just him, but us grow stronger TOGETHER. 

I don’t wear a badge, but I will always stand with our thin blue line family. Whether that means being there at the end of a hard day to pray or coach them on the track to prepare for the requirements ahead, I’ll do it. 

This life is not for the faint of heart. It’s about standing up for what is just and speaking up for those who have been denied their voice. It’s about protecting those who have lost hope and serving others in need.

To my husband, I’ve always got your 6.

Imperfectly Yours,
Katie

[EDC DETAILS]
Self-Defense Tool: GLOCK 43X
Holster: Bravo Belt 

ONE DECADE LATER


We all have the moment that rocks our world and changes our perspective. We all have a moment that we can look back to and be like, “WOW!! You need to get it together.”
Mine was at 21-years-old in 2011…

It was nearly one year after my third sibling had passed away and I was giving away the best of me for the worst of the world. I was doing what others said I should and I had lost all care in the world.

So, as the impulsive ADHD brain of mine would have it — I signed up for my first marathon and never stopped running.

Since then, life has been FAR FROM easy. From other losses of family, to the near loss of my daughter, to the health issues of my own, and to the move that nearly broke me — life just keeps on going.


No matter what happens in life time is never going to stop. Even when we take our last breath and years pass by we can either choose to be a person worth remembering or one we ourselves would rather forget.

Once upon a time I wanted to be forgotten. It’s a dark place to want that for yourself. To have the need to be rejected because rejection has become your normal. It sucks.
However, keep going.
On the worst day, keep going.
Imperfectly Yours,
Katie

SEVENTEEN YEARS SINCE THE CALL


06•01•2004
RING…RING…RING…
   [Caller ID: Ron Brown]
   I picked up the phone and ran outside.
      Me: Hey Bubba!!
      Man: Uhhhh, is this Katie?
      Me: Yyyeeessss…
      Man: Can I speak to your mom?
            At 14-years-old, I knew…

It’s been 17 years since I picked up the phone and you weren’t on the other end. 

Being born on Valentine’s Day has always had a “cool” factor, but being born on your birthday has been the real honor. As I’ve gotten older, without you, I’ve thought about how you would feel or what you were doing in the same age moments. However, today is surreal. 

Today, when I woke up I knew I had surpassed a moment in time that you never would. I became older than you did and that — that leaves me with a sour feeling of grief, again.

You will always be my big brother.
I love you, Ron Brown, always.

Love,
Your Baby Sister

TRUST THE STORM


To be honest, I may have just felt the urge to hug and kiss Thomas Edison. Between Hurricane Laura and actually UPROOTING OUR LIVES to move to an area that just so happened to be in her path last week, I’ve had a lot of valley moments.

We asked ourselves if the hurricane was a sign that we had made a mistake. We have had countless doubts and have experienced intense discomfort not knowing our future ahead.

However, I told my husband that if it were easy it wouldn’t be God’s desire. In my life, when it gets really hard and the storm clouds thicken, God’s call is just waiting on the other side. He’s a beacon of hope when the waves try to capsize everything I have left.

But — FINALLY — on the 8th day, the electricity came back on and we have solace from the three digit heat indexes, again. The climb to the top of the mountain never came without struggles, or even a full on avalanche from time to time.

So, we persevere and keep going.
Because — we were made for this.

Even when we don’t know what THIS is.....

Imperfectly Yours,
Katie

IT TAKES A VILLAGE


Many of us have heard the African Proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child.” As a mom, this proverb speaks volumes and I was stirred with a word this morning that urged me to add more.

IT TAKES A VILLAGE — to remain hopeful.
IT TAKES A VILLAGE — to show kindness.
IT TAKES A VILLAGE — to give without expectation.
IT TAKES A VILLAGE — to unite when apart.
IT TAKES A VILLAGE — to feel love.

It takes villages around the world to remember why we’re here in the first place. It’s not about the economy or lack of toilet paper. It’s about the village; our communities, families that we cherish, and friends that we love.

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder” — reigns with even more truth, now. It’s about holding onto hope that we will hug one another, again.

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.” 
-Psalms‬ ‭91:11‬ ‭(ESV‬‬)

I love my village, each of you, always.

-Katie

CHRONICALLY ILL OR HEALED

Your pain is for a purpose.
Your earthly loss will create a lasting legacy.
Your perspective can make all the difference.


A few months ago I went to my GP with a slew of problems. The list was becoming longer by the day and I was feeling pretty low. For the first time in two years, since acknowledging my gut issues, I had a doctor FINALLY listen to what I had to say and take the steps needed to help me.

The prognosis — an Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD), Crohn’s Disease. Crohn’s is an autoimmune disease and a chronic inflammatory condition of the gastrointestinal tract and can affect any part from the time you intake nutrients until they have flowed through your body. It has no cure, but can be put into remission from time to time. 

A week after the initial consult with my GP, regarding this issue, I had a CAT scan that showed an inflamed liver, constipation (which we already knew was an issue) and a few other underlying problems, but nothing that could solidify a diagnosis. 

I had bloodwork done, upon my request, that showed some potassium abnormalities and showed a few other red flags. In the meantime, I saw another one of my doctors who found that the ph levels in my body were off.

I felt like someone in a crowded room screaming, but no one could hear or see me. I felt lost in broad daylight. Maybe it was from the pain and discomfort or my own stubborn nature, but I decided to take matters into my own hands, with my only guidance being how my body would or would not respond.

As of now I am nearing 12-weeks of adhering to a VERY LIMITED diet. I have had to eliminate gluten, dairy, soy, simple sugars (monosaccharides, including fruit that has a high content of natural fructose, and disaccharides), processed food, high fiber food, fried and spicy foods, raw vegetables (even salads), and meat. I’ve always done my best at maintaining a healthy diet, indulging in a small piece of cake on a special occasion or a bite or two of chocolate during the week, but this has been a new normal for even me. I track my macronutrients and micronutrients on a daily basis for the purpose of properly fueling my body.

In the beginning, I felt that it put a strain on me, my family, our relatives, and even friends because it limited me from being able to spontaneously go ANYWHERE without preparing my food for EVERY meal and snack. There were a lot of days where I felt lost, but I’m blessed to have people in my circle that are, without fail, always there to lift my spirits. Plus, I always love a good challenge and learning how to figure it out.

Maybe this is TMI, but this morning I had a colonoscopy and it’s true what everyone says — the prep is TERRIBLE!! The results did have a few things come up, but nothing that we didn’t already know. So, the big question — if the colonoscopy came back with nothing alarming, why am was I having SOO many issues? 

After talking with my GI she confirmed that I am being proactive with what my symptoms have been. I have been treating my symptoms as if I have an autoimmune disease already which, in turn, can cause an autoimmune disease to go into remission and become undetectable, when not in a flare-up. 

Basically, my body is being healed without the need of steriods or one million medications. I have had gut issues that have slowly intensified for over a decade and for there to not be damage, well, that’s God.

When it comes to my diet, I showed my GI all I have been eating, eliminating, and adding for the betterment of my health. In her words, "You are already doing alot more than most. Continue with what has been working and eliminate what causes abnormal gut problems.I asked about seeing a nutritional allergist, but due to her medical research and what I am already doing, my GI feels confident I know my body well enough to not need that referral. 

My take away from it all: ALWAYS, listen to your body because symptoms can be God-given indicators of underlying issues. If you can fix the problems by learning what works and staying that course of action, DESPITE what the world says it is a good God thing.

I’m thankful I was able to eliminate the inflammation and infection that had started to take residence in my gut. God gave me insight into my colon when I LITERALLY COULD NOT SEE!! No, I can’t eat like everyone else, but God didn’t create one of us like the other. Our journeys will be different because we each have trials God trusts us to pursue Him through.

God can give the remedies of healing -- ONLY IF we are OBEDIENT and CONTINUE on that path of listening to the vessel He gave us for this world.

Through my years in the fitness industry, I’ve learned that transparency is the KEY to relating to and trusting someone else. If this chapter of my life can help someone else when they feel hopeless, it’s worth telling. Sometimes God will allow us to breakdown to grab our attention for a breakthrough.

I urge you to embrace whatever it is you are going through. Your struggle is a testament of what God will do through you if you let the Holy Spirit guide your every step. 

Imperfectly Yours,
Katie

LATE NIGHT VULNERABLE RAMBLINGS



Maybe I’m the only one that thinks this way, but I doubt it. I know we all have bad days, good days, depressing days, top of the mountain days — even just numb days. 

There are moments of some days when I think — am I really doing all I am capable of or am I allowing my submissive kindness, that society calls respect, of those who have matured in age around me to stand in the way of my potential? 

I guess I question more and more as time goes on whether my decision making, in the case of staying safe, has been altered because I want to make others happy. OF COURSE IT HAS!! 

In the past three years I’ve learned more than ever that my husband and daughter come first and foremost. Those two are my heart and I — I — I am my life. I can control whether I choose right, left, backward, or forward. The choice to go forward takes a leap of faith, but to remain is to choose now. 

Now is good, now is even great, but we can’t stay in now forever. 

I miss my siblings, those whom have passed away. What would they say to me today? I miss my siblings, those whom I never get to see. We’re so much alike it’s uncanny that we never grew up together, but in the end we always have each other. 

In the doubt that anyone will read this far, I’ll add this, too. I miss my sibling whom I’ve never known. That thought keeps me awake at night and even during the day — I hope their life is full of abundance today. Maybe, one day, I’ll get to know her. 

Here’s to late night ramblings and thoughts I should keep to myself, rather than typing or writing them down. I’m simple, but complicated and to my husband — he’s the epitome of love and grace on earth.

Maybe you’re in a situation with too many looming decisions, life seems overwhelming. You can trust the constant presence of Christ. He sees you. He hears you. He remembers your struggles and is ready to guide and comfort you and your loved ones.

Fearlessly Yours,
Katie

ANOTHER SLEEPLESS NIGHT


Tonight is one of those sleepless nights that I think only other mommas can relate to.

There might be a few dads out there that can relate, but it’s something about a momma’s sixth sense that kicks in on these nights.

Ever since our Gracie had her febrile seizure back in 2016, and I ended up having to perform CPR on her, we have never taken fevers lightly. So, this evening we ended up in urgent care because — HELLO — she had a fever that was spiking and NOTHING would bring it down.

When we left the house her fever was at 102.6° and by the time we got into our urgent care room her fever was at 102.4° — her fever being the only real indicator that something was clearly wrong. 

See, the only real first sign our girl is sick is when she gets super mommy clingy. I’m talking, “Mommy hold me,” for a solid 12 hours and then a fever will usually present itself. It’s pretty much been this way since her birth. However, going to the doctor because your child says, “Mommy hold me,” doesn’t really make a great case for him to work with.

Since she goes and goes all the time she doesn’t know how to pace herself when she’s not feeling well, her energy is the last thing to crash. Instead of resting and allowing her body to balance itself out, even after medicine is involved, we end up on this roller coaster of fevers breaking/spiking and energy/lethargic. So, when she plays the mommy card we know we’re hitting the “just make me better” mark.

Honestly, I have no idea what the post is all about. I’m having one of those nights after an evening at the doctor, getting prescriptions filled, being thrown up on (it’s true), bleh bleh bleh — it’s one of THOSE sleepless nights for this momma.

Maybe it’s from the seizure and CPR of 2016, but all I can do is watch her sleep. I kiss her sweet forehead every 10 minutes to check if the fever is spiking back up. I check her breathing to make sure she’s clearly surviving and I watch for her smile while she sleeps as affirmation of peaceful rest. Every few hours she is awoken by a cough, but I’m already comforting her as I put her back to sleep with a silent back scratch. 

Yeah — I’m sleepy. However, it won’t be like this forever. One day she won’t have me taking care of her and she will have her own children to take care of, but in this moment — she’s my baby girl.

She’s worth a million sleepless nights because Gracie Elizabeth is my tiny human miracle.

Imperfectly Yours,
Katie

A DESIRE FOR FAMILY

I don’t dream to live in a large mansion. My trials and life have given me a heart that yearns to always be humble. I want a tiny house filled with the huge hearts of my family. My daughter and husband are the two people that build me up when I’m at my lowest and strive to see me smile. My ambition is to be a disciple maker and in doing that I get to teach people how to treat their body as a beautiful temple. Health and fitness are not just a lifestyle, but an important factor in respecting the body God created just for you. 

Maybe I’m simple. Maybe I’m spiritual. Maybe I’m a health and fitness guru. No matter what I am perceived to be I am truly a child of God and that is all that matters — the ONLY mansion I desire is above in eternity.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted a family of my own. Yes, I have a family that I love without end. I love my father and mother far more than they will ever know. My desire to see them happy is out of this world and I know I don’t say it enough. However, my parents did divorce when I was very young. Since then I have yearned for a family of my own and prayed for a husband that I can relate to and connect with.

I say all of this with so much love and appreciation for parents that have to make the hard decision to separate. I know life happens and not all plans truly do pan out, but I pray everyday for the unconditional fervent love like Jesus has for His people. I pray everyday that I get to live that out.

I pray the example my husband and I set for our daughter is one that fulfills God’s ordained purpose. I pray that we see each other as the broken people we are, but find God’s masterPEACE through it all.

This is for the blended families just trying to make a way. Pray that God gives you that peace and comfort you need. God’s healing provides a stronghold that is beyond our control and I know God can work it all out for His greater good.

Keep persevering. Continue being faithful. His master plan will prevail and your family will reap the abundant rewards that our Father God has in store.

Imperfectly Yours,
Katie 

DATE NIGHT CONVERSATIONS

Last Saturday night the husband and I went on a date. Nothing “fancy” because let’s be real — anytime this momma fixes her hair apart from church is considered FANCY. 

Any-who, I laughed and smiled more on that date than I think I have in years and I’ll tell you why. We were focused solely on each other!! We put technology away and made the choice to NOT be distracted. 

See, we played a game of questions. Some of the questions we asked each other were: what’s one thing you never had as a child, but wish you had? For me — absolutely a tree house. 

&& we asked...

Who is one person you would want to trade places with for one day? For him — he said me. 

I’m sharing this because I feel like many couples have lost how to keep conversations alive. I’m not saying ALL because I obviously do not know every situation. However, when you strive to keep that spark alive and ask the silly questions that once made you fall madly in love with your human — you’re trying.

Marriage is a choice that you have to make each day. We don’t have it all figured out and have our fair share of disagreements just like any other couple, but I never want us to give up trying. If this can give another couple a place to start a conversation in order to keep trying — there’s hope.


You don’t need “fancy” dates, fixed up hair, and a waiter to create a space or place for you and your spouse. Start at home and let your children see the example you set. Let them in on the love you share as husband and wife. There’s nothing like having a conversation with my husband and daughter. For her to see her father truly focused on her and her mother is EVERYTHING!!

Don’t just build on a firm foundation, but continually FORTIFY the relationship you build upon it.

Imperfectly Yours,
Katie

ACHIEVING THE IMPOSSIBLE

I know our achievements mean absolutely nothing when our time ends. What will last is the perseverance and passion by which we chose to live our lives. However, I cried twice this morning because I won’t be running Boston tomorrow. 

Have you ever achieved a goal that seems unattainable to most people — even yourself? Running the Boston Marathon was my “IMPOSSIBLE” dream and last year I achieved it. Tomorrow is Marathon Monday and I can’t help to feel like I should be crossing the start line in Hopkinton and finishing on Boylston, again.

Once, shortly after I gave birth to my daughter, I contemplated NEVER running again. I thought that my role was to be a mom, end of story. If you combine a few months of utter seclusion and non-diagnosed postpartum depression it will make a new mom brain go crazy. See, if I disobeyed God’s purpose for a role I would NEVER show my daughter an example of life lived by passion.

Running was once my way to run away from tragedies; hardships I’ve faced, deaths of siblings and loved ones. A healthy habit quickly became an unhealthy coping mechanism. I had to realize that I could run all day, but my pain would still be there. 

Running became the parallel to persevering through life and overcoming the tragedies for one finish line — eternity. Who I influence or impact along the way is within the purpose, I believe, God created for me. My pain will always have a greater purpose.

My heart is running, but I’m having to remember that what I considered “IMPOSSIBLE” was achieved in me. This challenges me. I share my journey, the tragedies and the highlights, because I know I’m not the only one. God’s mercy and grace is the ONLY reason I’m capable of doing ANYTHING and HIS STRENGTH is the ONLY way I can PERSEVERE.

I’m still breathing. There is still life coursing through my veins. He’s NOT done with me!!

Dear God, I’m ready to continue chasing “IMPOSSIBLE” dreams for your kingdom purpose.

Imperfectly Yours,
Katie 

SHE CHANGED EVERYTHING


She doesn’t care about the medals I have from the marathons I’ve ran; not now at least. 


One day I’ll tell her all the stories of the adventures mommy took as a collegiate athletic training student & trainer, the journeys I’ve taken as an adult athlete, the stories of being a running and fitness coach, and the stages I stood on competing in fitness competitions. 


YET, those stories would mean nothing without the glory of God in them. Those adventures and journeys are worthless if the finish line for Christ is not where the eternal glory lies. 


One day, she will know my why and reasons and that day will be glorious to tell. 


The honor I strive to bring in stride and the praise to God I try to set an example of doing for her to learn from is what’s important. 


Until those days, I live in moments like this. I live for the moments of her gazing in my eyes and her tiny fingers learning my face — I never want to leave these moments. 


I see myself through my daughter’s eyes and the super powers I gain are beyond his world.


My girl. She changed everything.


Imperfectly Yours,

Katie

I YELLED AT MY DAUGHTER

"SSSTTTOOOPPP!!"

Today, I “raised my voice” when speaking to my daughter.

Okay. You're right, that's a lie. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck — it’s probably a duck.

I yelled at my daughter.

Don’t even start to tell me you’ve NEVER lost your cool. Look, there’s only one Mrs. Duggar out there and I bet before the double digits of kids she had her fair share of “moments” — however I honestly have NO IDEA!! (This is purely speculation for I have never met any of the Duggars.)

As for me, I’m flying by the seat of my pants half the time and the other half I’m looking for my pants. That's another story...

Anywho, today had good parts and emotional parts. I avoided going to the store because — well — I’ve already told y’all how those temperamental days turn out if I try to venture into the adult world, chaos & scenes ensue and any amount of praying I do is for me to not have an emotional breakdown in public.

My daughter is seriously one of the most loving and compassionate people I know, but she reminds me of fireworks. Even though they’re beautiful you can’t have them without the crack and pop. Gracie Elizabeth is definitely a firecracker!! 

After having a rough moment before laying down for bedtime I calmed us both down, (I started having us close our eyes and count to 10 together as one of our coping strategies — it’s really been doing us both a lot of good). This has been good when we're at home and anxiety gets the better of both of us. She is usually crying and I am usually crying when things like this happen, but by the time it is over we in a much better mood. I have a positive outlook that this will work in our public outings, I'll keep you posted.

Back to the whole going to bed thing. As we got she go into bed I told her, “Mommy needs to go brush her teeth." Yes, before you ask my daughter does sleep with my husband and I, still. Obviously we are a complete work in progress on the parenting end, but sometimes it's about what works for you. Parenting books DO NOT give you a perfect formula and if you find that they do work for you I'd bet you a pretty penny that you are one of the lucky ones. EMBRACE THAT!!

Oh yeah, bedtime. So, while laying in the bed she just smiled and nodded her head okay, I went straight into the bathroom. I could her rustling around and getting comfortable in bed. I came through the doorway and stopped dead in my tracks...


I was watching her as if she were a new-born babe all over again. I felt so much guilt for the yelling match of the day and was overcome with so much love. My daughter is the greatest blessing I have ever received and she is the epitome of all the love I have for my husband and Jesus. As she grows, I grow and as she learns, I learn. Patience is a virtue, but it's not my greatest trait and everyday she brings out the patience I hold deep within -- this really is a good thing. The gives me grace in a world of bitterness and reminds me of what loving unconditionally truly means.

As the years pass by I hope that one day she will look back and see this, read this and know that mommy tried the best she could.

Being a mom is literally living by faith and in that I HAVE to walk by God's guiding light -- every single day.

Don't give up my daughter, you are perfectly imperfect -- I can guide you through. AMEN!!

Imperfectly Yours,
Katie


DEAR NON-MOM FRIENDS

If you are a mom I would bet that you can totally relate to what you are about to read and if you can’t relate, then, I’m a little jealous of you.



Dear Non-Mom Friends,

Let me start by saying this is not inclusive to ALL of my non-mom friends. I want to say that this is not a letter of excuses. Yes, it will seem that way because you’ve felt that I have been making excuses since the birth of my daughter. However, it’s not excuses, but a change in my priorities. It is actually a complete shift of life!!

I’m sorry I don’t return texts and calls pretty much EVER. In the beginning I was trying to navigate breast-feeding (which was a complete failure). I was trying to navigate being a mom, catching up on sleep (that two years later I have yet to do). I was learning how to take care of another human being, I was figuring out how to shower more than twice a week (on a good week). I was cleaning up diapers that the word explosion doesn’t even describe and attempting to remember me time (let’s be real I gave up on me when I became a mom). 

Around the time my daughter turned six-months-old I began receiving calls and texts of how I was a “bad” friend. I received messages on how I was a selfish person for not making time for others. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? I birthed a human!! My priority was my daughter and instead of being asked how I was doing I was getting lectures on how-to-be a good friend. 

Next.

Doctors tell you about postpartum depression, but they don’t prepare you for it. It’s hinted on in doctor’s appointments, but that’s about it. Postpartum depression is so much bigger than five minutes of conversation. It attacks when you feel things should be getting into a normal rhythm and develops as anxiety, too. I had postpartum depression kick in at about four months and my husband was the one to finally do something about it a few months later. I developed anxiety that escalated to fear of even walking out of the house to check the mailbox. Once, I didn't leave my house for TWO solid months and while the walls were closing in, the outside world seemed scarier.

Along with that I had separation anxiety from my child. Yes, I DEVELOPED SEPARATION ANXIETY FROM HER!! You can’t explain this fearful anxiety to anyone. All you know is that the paranoia comes and you even become afraid of leaving your child alone in a crib just to take a shower. I would cry in my doorway just watching her sleep from the weighing guilt of “leaving” her to take a shower!! 

Seems silly, right? 

Yeah — it’s not so silly when you’re in the middle of it.

It’s not so silly when friends and family are bashing you for your “selfish” attitude when all the while you’re just trying to navigate motherhood — among the other mounting stresses of this thing called life. However, NOT ONCE are moms that go through this asked, “How are you?” 

We get asked during all of our pregnancy, but when the real stress comes there is no one to be found. CUTE BABY!! GOOD LUCK!!

Fast forward to present day.

I know I’m skipping a lot of middle info, but that’s for another day. My separation anxiety is a million times better and everyday is less of a struggle to turn the car key and shift into drive. Listen, I’m not negative Nancy and truly am happy, but life gets even the best of us at times.

I’ve accepted that life will never be as it once was when it comes to friendships and even family ties. Some say I’m not a “normal” mom and the fact I’ve become a stay-at-home mom makes some people turn their noses towards me. 

I digress from here because that’s a topic for a later date. The fact of the matter is that when you become a mom life itself changes, COMPLETELY. It’s not just the cute addition of your child, but the mental stress of the how-to-dos, the hormonal changes that no amount of doctor’s appointments will ever fully fix or explain, the physical hang-ups of losing baby weight or even gaining more and every unknown that I myself am still trying to understand.

Non-mom friends, when your mom friends say that it’s not you it’s me — WE MEAN IT!! We know you don’t understand, but we want you to. At the same time we don’t want to hinder your life and all the memories you are making. Of course we still want to know about the advances of your careers and we want to be there for the big moments in your life. However, as moms, we also understand that seasons change and as we change, so do you.

A friend of mine, who is a mother of two children, once said,  “Honestly Katie, if Gracie would have been my first she would have been my last.” 

My daughter is strong-willed, smart, witty, intelligent, observant, discerning and only two months into being two-years-old. I love my daughter more than anything and would take a bullet for her. I also know that my daughter has the determination and strong-willed nature of, well, her mother.

Some of my best characteristics can at times be my worst and I see that in my child, too. We work together on our negatives and embrace our independent attitudes. You see, I may only have one child, but even a mom of two would rather the attitudes of her TWO over my ONE. Life is different, priorities are different, the dynamics are not the same and I embrace that every day.

So — as I said earlier this is to my non-mom friends (some not all) and I think of you often. Those I don’t see anymore, I miss you every day, but as life changes and we adapt I pray you’re adapting well. 

My number is the same if you ever need me. Please don’t be upset if I don’t answer right away.

Mom life is NOT my excuse, it is my reason and Gracie is the testimony of that.

Imperfectly Yours,
Katie

YOUR INSPIRING LOSS

Did it ever occur to you that maybe your trial is someone else's hope? 

Here's my thought: God already knows how strong you are and knows that you can endure the trials. God has entrusted YOU with the tough stuff because He knows YOU are capable of praising Him in the storm. (That's pretty amazing if you ask me -- for God to trust us with the enemy's worst for His best.) BUT maybe there's someone else that needs hope. They need that inspiration from YOU to see or hear of when you got knocked down and got back up. 

Maybe the loss and heartache you've endured is a needed example for someone else's life changing transformation.

I’ve made a blog post about my story before, but I’ve never quite embraced it from a visual or vocal interpretation. In order to help others we have to voice our struggles and how we choose to overcome.

Here I am — vulnerable & hopeful. 




Imperfectly Yours,
Katie

TODDLER FITNESS

I feel like this video speaks for itself, but of course you know I have a story to add. 

I am a Matrix Fitness (MX4) instructor at Physique’s Elite in Lafayette, LA — owned by MX4 Master Trainer Khristie Gass. After teaching my daughter, 2 years and 2 months in this video, is always intrigued with the equipment in the Elite room. So, today, I CAUTIOUSLY allowed her to try out a few pieces of equipment. This video is her on the rower/erg and I must say I am very surprised at how well she did this. Yes, I know it is quite large compared to her — it’s an adult piece of equipment (why I was extremely cautious), but I must give credit where credit is due.

Children see all we do and the example we set is imperative to their future.

PARENTS: We are the influencers of the next generation. If your example is something you would not be proud of if you saw it in your child — maybe you need to start setting a new example.


Imperfectly Yours,
Katie

DRIVEN BY comPASSION

"How do athletes describe you as a coach?"

Our instructor asked us this as I sat in my RRCA training class a few weeks ago. However, I instantly found this a tad amusing because I have heard a number of lines that go a little like this:

"Katie is like a sour patch kid -- she seems nice and then turns slightly evil."

I laugh at this because the women that I train know that I am far from mean or evil -- I just like to give tough love when I train others. People do not pay me to let them slack off during a workout, otherwise they would be completely comfortable training themselves and not seeking the guidance of a coach or trainer.

Yet, I wrote down on my paper one word that I know is always used and that I strive to live by every single day. The word that is usually used to describe me is PASSIONATE and I can't deny the fact I am most certainly driven by PASSION.

So, why am I bringing this up?

Yesterday, my pastor preached on being a compassionate person. My pastor posted to Facebook a few weeks ago or so asking for feedback about this exact topic and here was my response:


One of my constant prayers: “Father God, break my heart for what breaks yours.” Through the answer I’m always filled with compassion and an unexplainable yearning to continuously strive to do more.
On a personal note, I have to prepare myself beforehand and PRAY because when God orchestrates how to show me that brokenness it is usually in the middle of the future MESS•age & TEST•imony to come.
By compassion I’m able to give grace and forgiveness to others. We could all use more of that.


More times than not compassion is found when you discover what breaks your heart. Sounds pretty counter-intuitive, but if you aren't moved to tears by your passion then maybe your not emotionally invested in what you are trying to achieve. If you are emotionally absent from your passion -- how can you walk in compassion? One of the characteristics of a compassionate person is that they inspire through passion.

That is what I try to do and that is what my goal is in life -- to inspire others through my passion.

I pray that PASSIONATE is always used when I'm described as a coach, trainer or anything else in this life. Even in the moments of tough love towards those I love and care for -- I am always driven by my PASSION for their betterment. PASSION is comPASSION and Christ was the purest form of PASSION.



Ask yourself this, do you like the words that come to mind when people describe the type of person you are? If not maybe it's time to reevaluate where you are right now in life and how you want to be remembered.

Imperfectly Yours,
Katie

THIRTY MILES LATER


This past Tuesday was my 27th birthday and I said I would run 28 miles. Well, I ACTUALLY ran 30 MILES!! I told my husband that something was terribly wrong with me because I felt too good to have accomplished what I did.

It amazes me how we underestimate what we can do. How we doubt our capabilities and set our own limitations. Do you do it too? I know I do!! However, we shouldn't. We should truly be fearless and go after anything and everything we've ever dreamed of!!

This video I've attached was with my daughter during my "run" and her tiring out. No, I didn't get to run very long. No, I wasn't out there training hours on end. BUT, that little girl you see -- that's my Gracie, my reason, my world. At the end of the day if I'm not proud of the example I set for her, if I'm not happy with the example of fearlessness and determination I lead for her -- is any of it even worth it? NO!!!

So, are you setting the example you have want your children to be proud of, your brothers or sisters, your nieces or nephews, your parents? Are YOU setting the example for them to look to and are you proud of it?!? If not, it's never too late or too early to change for the better and take a stand for yours and their best!! Even if the world shuns you, I'll stand with you.

Take a Stand!! Be Fearless!!

Imperfectly Yours,
Katie

PARENTING IS OVERWHELMING

It’s time I cut the crap. You know, this whole raw and real thing only works if you are RAW and REAL. So – this morning as I pull on my running tights, put on the running shirt with hat to match and lace up my running shoes…my brain is literally telling me I am the worst mother on the face of the earth.

Is it self-pity? Self-remorse?
HECK NO! You see, tragic experiences as a parent leave a lasting impact.
Why?
BECAUSE PARENTING IS OVERWHELMING!!

Seeing your child struggle for air. Seeing your child lifeless. Seeing your child helpless causes a parent to somewhere, deep down inside, question themselves. WHAT? You want the happy go lucky stay strong in every storm post? Well, to get to that point rough waters must be ridden and “self-pity” must be overcome. Letting go of the worst mother label you put on YOURSELF, must be dealt with.

Let me put your mind at ease because I am in no way ever going to say I know what it is like to lose a child because I never have. I have lost siblings and family members, but never have I ever fully lost my daughter. Not even 4 months ago, I breathed life back into my daughter’s lungs. I only wish and pray that every parent that had to give their child CPR had a happy story at the end. My heart is burdened for those parents each day and I will always remind my daughter how overwhelmingly blessed she is that she gets to breathe in a new breath of life daily; as we are all so lucky that are reading this.
But right now, in this moment as I clothe myself to go outside and run I feel unworthy. When my daughter gets sick she goes all out. She takes it as far as she can go before hitting that breaking point. Right now, she has not one, but TWO strains of the flu virus coursing through her, a painful urinary tract infection, pink eye and an ear infection in her left ear. God bless my husband and his loving words, “Babe go run I will watch her. You need to get away for just a little bit.”

My female mother brain: What?!? You want me to leave and make it look as if I do not care about our daughter? Why should I put myself first?!? She is sick and running isn’t going to help her. Running will not take the pain away. Running will not heal her. Running will not add years or quality to her life!!

Before my words are spoken my husband says, “You are an amazing mother and Gracie will be here when you are done. Go do your fearless superwoman things.”

My husband.
My rock.
My clarity.

So yeah. My baby girl is extremely sick and I’m about to go out for a long run. Not because I do not care. HEAVENS NO! It’s because I want my baby girl to be fearless in all circumstances, especially the scary ones. That is the whole point of why I am running the Boston Marathon!! On my long runs, I pray, A LOT. I pray about anything and everything I could possibly fathom and today I’ll be praying and pleading God’s healing over my daughter and every other child that is sick and every parent that prays for one more moment with their little ones.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


I promised you real and raw. I pray you hear my sincerity && the steadfast love I have for my daughter. In the overwhelming moments, she always gives me peace and a reason to be fearless. 

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie

1AM WHISPERS

OVERWHELMED. 


UNQUALIFIED.



UNWORTHY.



JUST GIVE UP!

Yeah. Those my 1 am whispers that keep me up at night.
Those are the monsters that I wish would just go back and lay under my bed instead of in my head.

Yeah. I hate those 1 am whispers.

Those whispers that tell you that you can't do it. Those whispers that say," You don't know anyone generous enough. No one really thinks you can accomplish this goal anyway so why keep kidding yourself?!?"

Yeah. I hear them too. I hear them in the moments when I am tired and exhausted. I hear them when I am at my weakest and even at my strongest.




However. There is a choice to be made at around 1:02 am when all you want to do is scream at the voice in your head telling you that you aren't good enough!!

You rebuke those voices and tell them to go back to the pits of hell that they came from because you are going to step out!! You are about to do something that God has qualified within you!! You are about to do something that God has chosen to make you worthy of and that He has placed inside of you with a burning passion of desire.

Hebrews 12:1 mandates this, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." He says not just to run the race, but to ENDURE the race. To endure proves that trials will come during the journey and hardships will attempt to trip you up, but that does not mean you are to succumb to the world -- to the whispers.

When all is said and done I want to be able to stand before God on my judgement day and say with humbled confidence, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith," said in 2 Timothy 4:7. I don't want to just to finish the race, but keep the faith in finishing!

Yeah. While I sit here at 1:10 am and rebuke the voices, I will choose to arise for His kingdom, for His glory and for His honor. Today, tomorrow and always.

Claim that which God has put within you and make it your goal for this world.

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie