NEARLY LOST RUNNING BOSTON

Boston. 

THE Boston Marathon.

I, KATIE ANN EDDINGTON, AM RUNNING THE BOSTON MARATHON, MONDAY, APRIL 17th OF 2017!! 

Is this real life?!

 

But seriously y'all, I don't want to wake up. I don't want to be pinched out of this dream. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to run the Boston Marathon. Yet, nearly years ago, I had already built the wall and told myself I would never be able to and I tried to let go of that dream. I had convinced myself that I would never be worthy of such a race. What I didn't know was that God had bigger plans for me.

When we have our children we have this concept our dreams and desires no longer matter. We put them on the back burner and EVERYTHING revolves around our children. When I began playing into this mindset my world literally spun out of my control. I lost myself in my daughter and being the best mom I could ever be. Yet, as I was striving for what I conceived to be the "best mom ever" I was physically and emotionally silently killing myself. 

My husband saw the downward spiral and knew something needed to happen. For Christmas we had saved up money for us to buy a present for ourselves and by my birthday (which is on Valentine's Day) I still had not spent a dime. So, he told me to buy a treadmill.
He knows my love for running and also knew that I had not laced up my running shoes in 7 months now. I had given up on myself. My body, mind and spirit were slowly just wilting away and I lost sight of what my desires were. I replaced all I ever dreamed of with my daughter. Don't get me wrong, she is my whole world and has me wrapped around her little bitty fingers, but mommy didn't know who she was anymore. Except for being a mommy.

 

 

Finishing the Zydeco Half to find out I'm having a girl.

So running, as it has saved me before in life rose to the occasion and put the pep in my step. Running resume, for those who care, I have ran two full marathons (The Marine Corps in Washington DC in 2011 & Zydeco here in Lafayette, LA in 2014), two half marathons (Rock n Roll New Orleans in 2013 & Zydeco, again, in 2015 -- BUT -- being 20 weeks pregnant and finding out the gender of my daughter at the finish line), countless 10Ks and 5Ks as well. I had hidden my medals of all my accomplishments a few months after having my daughter. I tucked them away in a box and figured they would be good heirlooms one day. Yet, God knew the dust needed to be removed. He knew my story in life, my tests need to be spoken because my perseverance to overcome those tests is what will change the life of another.

Monday, October 24th of 2016, one week and one day after being on the floor and giving CPR to my daughter I got the phone call of a lifetime. I was chosen to be on the team of THE Kathrine Switzer. It will be 50 years ago in 2017 that Kathrine made the fearless step and ran Boston despite what the race director said. Kathrine was the first woman to run Boston and this coming April I will run that same course WITH HER!! I will stand on the starting line with the woman who started it all. I am a teammate of 261 Fearless and fearless I will be.

Our struggles are great, but our God is greater. 

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie

I AM A TERRIBLE MOTHER

All those parenting and mommy-to-be books that I read while pregnant -- TOTAL WASTE!

What they don't tell you is how paranoid you'll become after your child's life, even if only for a brief moment, hangs in the balance.

BOOKS DON'T PREPARE YOU FOR THAT!!

The first fever after "THE FEVER". I did everything the books told us to. ACTUALLY, THAT IS A LIE. I did everything that her pediatrician had ever told me to do when a fever rears it's ugly head. (That febrile seizure did a number on my mommy confidence.)

Sooooo...
(&& when I say we -- I literally mean ME & GRACIE!)

> We took Tylenol.

> Three point five hours later we took Motrin. 

> We took a cool shower. (Friends like Dory && Nemo were added bonuses to our bath time fun. TAKE THAT AWESOMENESS MOMMY BOOKS!!)

> We wore light and breathable clothing.

> I think I took her temperature like TWENTY times in TWO hours. 

Y'all.

Paranoid mom much!?

I WENT BATTY!!

Why do I say these things and admit to my crazy emotions of fear and protection? I know that a mother out there isn't admitting her fears. (For about the first eight months of being a new mom I held all my fears and worries inside so deep and tight that they nearly broke me. But that's a story for another day.) Someone reading this is keeping all those "imperfect" emotions hostage and not allowing herself breathing room. See what I did there? We've conditioned ourselves to believe that if we become scared or fearful, particularly when it comes to being a mom, then we are doing something wrong. 

In fact.

I have found, in my 456 days since having my daughter, those days that I am more confused and feeling lost -- I am usually doing everything right. BUT in those doubtful moments my perspective hinders me.

 No, I certainly DO NOT have all the answers.

NO MOTHER HAS ALL THE ANSWERS!! 

(I know. MIND BLOWING!!)

There I said it. Why? Every mother and every child are different and no two journeys in motherhood are the same. We get to take tidbits of knowledge from ALL our experiences and learn through one another. That's the whole point!! Motherhood should unify us, not divide us!!

One key to overcoming all that mommy stress is knowing how you berate yourself. All your negative thoughts; KNOW them, BIND them, && REBUKE them, IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!

Here. I'll let you read a few of mine.

I am a terrible mother at admitting I need rest.

I am a terrible mother at admitting I need help.

I am a terrible mother at admitting I need me time.

I am a terrible mother at admitting I am worthy.

I am a terrible mother at admitting I am beautiful.

I am a terrible mother at admitting I AM an amazing mother.

See all that negative self-talk?!? NONE of that negative self-talk is healthy. If we want our children to have a positive and humble outlook on themselves we HAVE to start with us.

Change your perspective.

I need rest to stay patient.

I need help to be humbled.

I need me time to be refreshed.

I am worthy because God says that I am.

I am beautiful because I am made in God's image.

I am an amazing mother && daughter to a MIGHTY KING!!

Y'all, we are more than "just" mothers. (I loathe that statement, 'just mothers'. But that's another topic. For another day.) We are also daughters to a Father who's love for us surpasses all. 

So, next time you feel yourself reeling out of control and letting stress dictate your self-worth as a mother, remember you are not alone. Go to God, binding and rebuking those doubts. 

I stand in agreement with you, IN JESUS' NAME.

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie 

"BREATHE GRACIE!!"

Sunday, October 9th, around 11 pm the beginning of mine and my husband's worst nightmare began. My daughter was lying on my chest when I realized just how fast her temperature was increasing, but by that point it had already escalated too high. Gracie Elizabeth began having a febrile seizure (fever seizure) due to her extreme body temperature increase in a 60 minute period of time. 

My heart began beating out of my chest faster than I can even explain. My husband scooped her up and I began calling 911. As I'm being connected to the dispatcher our daughter stopped seizing, BUT she became limp and her color changed so quickly I barely had time to blink before I saw her blue lips.

At this point my husband listened for her heartbeat, it faded to silence within seconds. She had lost all signs of life and my phone just so happened to die while having battery life, (no thank you satan)!! My husband yelled to me that she needed CPR as he grabbed his phone to call 911. I took my lifeless daughter and laid her down to begin resuscitating her. I can remember every single millisecond of breathing into my 14-month-old daughter. Her lips were a gray-blue color and her face had lost most all color. She laid there so still that you would have thought she were sleeping. As a mom, this is something I would NEVER wish on any parent. 

I adjusted her head and blew two breaths into her tiny body. I took two fingers, palpated for her sternum and moved up about a quarter to half an inch to begin compressions. I realized the breaths had not gone in, stopping compressions immediately, and I adjusted her head. I did a blind finger sweep and noticed her tongue had folded back and was blocking her airway. I blew two more breaths and she nearly immediately began coughing coming in and out of conscienceness. I screamed to her for what felt like a lifetime, "BREATHE GRACIE!!" I was praying to God the entire time waiting for the ambulance to arrive. This was my little girl and she was absolutely helpless, so, I did what I was trained to do. 

My four years of studying sports medicine, living it day in and day out, I was taught to treat EVERY injury as a life-threatening situation. College graduation day, 4 1/2 years ago, NEVER did I see for what my fight or flight senses were being prepared. The 10 years of CPR training that I've had prepared me to instinctually know what to do without hesitation. Some would say I should be mad at God for "allowing" the seizure to happen. BUT WHY, so we knew something was very wrong!? That would just be silly!! Her seizure was an indicator that something was terribly wrong and that medical attention was necessary, otherwise, who's to say what would have happened if we would have gone to sleep and awoke the next morning. My heart just can't fathom that!!

Gracie Elizabeth watching Disney Junior after her lumbar puncture (spinal tap).

When we got to the hospital she was poked, prodded, x-rayed and even had a spinal tap all before 3 am. Around 4:15 am we were discharged and sent home. The next day we went to our pediatrician's office to see blood testing results and stool cultures. It took a few days and MANY antibiotics before we found out she had salmonella. I will NEVER know how or where she got this!! My husband has made fun of me because of how thoroughly I clean all food we eat and how aware I am of everything Gracie does, but no one is exempt from what the world throws our way.

The first thing my husband said to me as we entered the ER from the ambulance that night, "We won't let satan take our joy." God uses all things for His greater purpose and no matter what the turn of events could have been I know that either way God had His arms wrapped around my Gracie. I'm thankful and beyond grateful I get to receive the blessing of having her awhile longer to love on and guide her in God's wisdom.

Monday afternoon we were definitely EXHAUSTED.

So many are looking at this and telling me they don't know what they would do if they would have had to do what we did. Uggghhhh, you fight for your child's life!! No questions asked!! And then God really made it a point to tell me, "I fight for the life of my children every single day." Wow!! It broke me. My heart literally hurt because I thought, "What if Gracie would not have started breathing after I gave her CPR?!" God feels that sooo many times each day, "Stop turning to the world and let me save you!!"

God above is the only way to victory and the only eternal salvation. I posted on my personal Facebook this statement and my heart nearly explodes when I meditate on it's full meaning, "I've both given birth to && resuscitated my daughter. Is this just a finite portion of how Jesus FEELS when we're born again?"

I challenge you, change your perspective on the trials of this life and use it for His eternal glory! 

Round 3 of blood work for the week and this sassy girl took it like a champ.

 

“Rejoice ALWAYS, pray CONTINUALLY, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” ‭‭[1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:16-18‬]

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie

TARGET MOM

Yep. Target is life totally makes sense to basically ANY woman. Let's be honest moms, Target was there before we had kids. Now we just have less money to blow spend. When we walk into our second home Target we must prepare for battle. Don't believe me? You must not be a mom, yet.

First, my daughter and I HAVE to go to the Dollar Bin Section (when walking towards Target's doors it will be at the left entrance, at least at my Target). By the way, this isn't the Dollar Tree Section so I get pretty bummed when all the good stuff is $3, or $5 if you're fancy like that. Nonetheless we check the bins, I never know what has been stocked since our last shopping trip, yesterday.

BUT SERIOUSLY -- who decided it was OK to put all the kid stuff next to the pretty adult things? I would like to have the option to consider purchasing an "adult" coloring book without preventing my 14-month-old from bungee jumping out of the cart for Dory, Nemo, Princess Sophia or every other Disney character that I readily know the theme song to. K? Thanks!

**DEAR NON-PARENTS:  Please do not judge the fact we no longer use the seat cart-belt. I would rather have a smiling munchkin and prevent bungee jumping escapades than the real life HULK who disrupts the ENTIRE store when that little strap touches her tummy!! You are welcome.

One day as I continued shopping towards the actual grocery area with Nemo socks and Crayola bath bubbles in tow I quickly realize that when I put the adult coloring book back on the shelf there was now $3 to spend. Of course spend in the clearance section of ... DRUMROLL PLEASE ... children's clothing! Yes, the swimsuit my daughter I was dying to buy was marked down, clearly, just for me to take home and put away for next year. #WINNING I'm a mom and thinking ahead is totally my new thing. It's just the whole remembering what was on my shopping list that I wrote before I drove to Target that I forget, it may be on the kitchen table or countertop. #TheStruggleIsReal True story people! #MomBrainOnFLEEK (Also, can someone tell me what fleek means? I don't get it.)

Well, on this particular day as I'm heading to the party produce section, I find myself running into the lady that desperately needed my daughter's attention. I get it, she did not know that my daughter's teething game was strong and that her mommy needs were not being met by me actually carrying her through the store while shopping. NO! But rest assured she got to see her beautiful aquamarine eyes shed just enough tears to signal those flight instincts to scurry away. YAY YOU!!

Y'all, everything up until then was literally baby games. It's those moments that my strength is weakened, my patience is tested, and my humility is put on a giant screen television; which I know the electronics department was streaming live from the security cameras. The looks, the stares, and the eye rolls all darted towards me from every innocent bystander (non-moms), but I suddenly didn't see them. Comforting my daughter and finishing this shopping trip in one piece PEACE was all that mattered. I felt hopeless and defeated. I quietly cried out.



Praying for composure I closed my eyes for a brief moment asking God to please just let us get home. Asking God to comfort me so I could supply my daughter's needs. In Jesus' name I prayed, AMEN.

Heading to the checkout the screams continued, but I kept my composure. Standing in line I realized I forgot the eggs for breakfast the next morning, but I so did not leave my fourth place in line for those -- He made me a way to the checkout for a reason.

As I purchased all the groceries, the swimsuit, the bubbles, and the Nemo socks I felt empowered. We made it through ALIVE!! The walk to the car only amplified my joy as my daughter bounced with laughter while riding in the cart, with my shopping list miraculously appearing in her hands. Typical.

God's grace is all-sufficient, ESPECIALLY during the tiresome moments. As we know the needs of our children, our Father knows the needs of His. Her smile was all I needed. His comfort is always enough.

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie