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DEAR NON-MOM FRIENDS

If you are a mom I would bet that you can totally relate to what you are about to read and if you can’t relate, then, I’m a little jealous of you.



Dear Non-Mom Friends,

Let me start by saying this is not inclusive to ALL of my non-mom friends. I want to say that this is not a letter of excuses. Yes, it will seem that way because you’ve felt that I have been making excuses since the birth of my daughter. However, it’s not excuses, but a change in my priorities. It is actually a complete shift of life!!

I’m sorry I don’t return texts and calls pretty much EVER. In the beginning I was trying to navigate breast-feeding (which was a complete failure). I was trying to navigate being a mom, catching up on sleep (that two years later I have yet to do). I was learning how to take care of another human being, I was figuring out how to shower more than twice a week (on a good week). I was cleaning up diapers that the word explosion doesn’t even describe and attempting to remember me time (let’s be real I gave up on me when I became a mom). 

Around the time my daughter turned six-months-old I began receiving calls and texts of how I was a “bad” friend. I received messages on how I was a selfish person for not making time for others. ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? I birthed a human!! My priority was my daughter and instead of being asked how I was doing I was getting lectures on how-to-be a good friend. 

Next.

Doctors tell you about postpartum depression, but they don’t prepare you for it. It’s hinted on in doctor’s appointments, but that’s about it. Postpartum depression is so much bigger than five minutes of conversation. It attacks when you feel things should be getting into a normal rhythm and develops as anxiety, too. I had postpartum depression kick in at about four months and my husband was the one to finally do something about it a few months later. I developed anxiety that escalated to fear of even walking out of the house to check the mailbox. Once, I didn't leave my house for TWO solid months and while the walls were closing in, the outside world seemed scarier.

Along with that I had separation anxiety from my child. Yes, I DEVELOPED SEPARATION ANXIETY FROM HER!! You can’t explain this fearful anxiety to anyone. All you know is that the paranoia comes and you even become afraid of leaving your child alone in a crib just to take a shower. I would cry in my doorway just watching her sleep from the weighing guilt of “leaving” her to take a shower!! 

Seems silly, right? 

Yeah — it’s not so silly when you’re in the middle of it.

It’s not so silly when friends and family are bashing you for your “selfish” attitude when all the while you’re just trying to navigate motherhood — among the other mounting stresses of this thing called life. However, NOT ONCE are moms that go through this asked, “How are you?” 

We get asked during all of our pregnancy, but when the real stress comes there is no one to be found. CUTE BABY!! GOOD LUCK!!

Fast forward to present day.

I know I’m skipping a lot of middle info, but that’s for another day. My separation anxiety is a million times better and everyday is less of a struggle to turn the car key and shift into drive. Listen, I’m not negative Nancy and truly am happy, but life gets even the best of us at times.

I’ve accepted that life will never be as it once was when it comes to friendships and even family ties. Some say I’m not a “normal” mom and the fact I’ve become a stay-at-home mom makes some people turn their noses towards me. 

I digress from here because that’s a topic for a later date. The fact of the matter is that when you become a mom life itself changes, COMPLETELY. It’s not just the cute addition of your child, but the mental stress of the how-to-dos, the hormonal changes that no amount of doctor’s appointments will ever fully fix or explain, the physical hang-ups of losing baby weight or even gaining more and every unknown that I myself am still trying to understand.

Non-mom friends, when your mom friends say that it’s not you it’s me — WE MEAN IT!! We know you don’t understand, but we want you to. At the same time we don’t want to hinder your life and all the memories you are making. Of course we still want to know about the advances of your careers and we want to be there for the big moments in your life. However, as moms, we also understand that seasons change and as we change, so do you.

A friend of mine, who is a mother of two children, once said,  “Honestly Katie, if Gracie would have been my first she would have been my last.” 

My daughter is strong-willed, smart, witty, intelligent, observant, discerning and only two months into being two-years-old. I love my daughter more than anything and would take a bullet for her. I also know that my daughter has the determination and strong-willed nature of, well, her mother.

Some of my best characteristics can at times be my worst and I see that in my child, too. We work together on our negatives and embrace our independent attitudes. You see, I may only have one child, but even a mom of two would rather the attitudes of her TWO over my ONE. Life is different, priorities are different, the dynamics are not the same and I embrace that every day.

So — as I said earlier this is to my non-mom friends (some not all) and I think of you often. Those I don’t see anymore, I miss you every day, but as life changes and we adapt I pray you’re adapting well. 

My number is the same if you ever need me. Please don’t be upset if I don’t answer right away.

Mom life is NOT my excuse, it is my reason and Gracie is the testimony of that.

Imperfectly Yours,
Katie