This should be good.
I guess.
People always say that motherhood puts you into some club that will forever change you. You will be surrounded by other women who understand how you feel as a mom and that you can rely on. Motherhood is a judgement free zone of constantly being acceptanced by others that know exactly how you feel.
In my short experience of motherhood has been NONE OF THAT.
Go ahead and throw stones, other moms do it all the time.
Let me take a short walk down memory lane. I remember elementary school and constantly praying for time to speed up. I was always made fun of for being too shy and too smart, (being a nerd was not the “cool” thing during my school yard days).
What’s my point?
I know what it’s like to be rejected by others and feel alone in a room full of people. Not in all ways, but in many instances motherhood is the same scenario. When you walk into a room, (let’s say a classroom for a school party since it pairs with school days), of moms they are instantly eyeing one another.
You have one mother who is looking at another in disgust because she obviously hadn’t slept in MONTHS. She can’t speak to the sleep deprived mom because she can’t be seen speaking to her; she has appearances to keep up. I mean come on — who walks out of their house looking like that; as if.
Another mom is trying to hold herself together without having a nervous breakdown because she is a single mom. At home she has three children to take care of and just wants to put food on the table without choosing which meals she will do without for the sake of her children. However, she has no one to talk to, no one to confide in and no one to lean on because she would rather hold in the pain than burden someone else. She’s been pushed away more times than she can count and has given up on finding a friend.
There’s probably a mom in the back corner hiding because she’s trying to ignore the fact that her child, the one who is flailing around causing disruption to the class, is actually hers. She’s lost hope of getting control back and has absolutely no one to talk to. No mom wants to be seen with her, who lets their child act like that and does nothing about it.
Of course you have a mom that is boisterous, loud, everyone’s “best-friend” and heaven sent from above. Don’t get me wrong, this mom is doing a REALLY good job of holding everything together. She takes charge during all school functions, arrives on time and perfectly presentable. She even has the figure to flaunt and the smile that radiates a room. Yet, deep inside she may have the pain of a failing marriage that no one is allowed to see because that would mean there is a “flaw” in her picture perfect life. People dismiss her because they feel unworthy and she’s gasping for air in an oxygen filled room.
Maybe, there’s also the mom who is strong and courageous. She has a marriage that is set on fire by a love anyone would kill for and living “the dream” of being a mom and fulfilling all the dreams her heart could ever fathom. She’s overcome life with a vengeance, but there’s something inside her that no one sees. She probably holds onto years of childhood pain from verbal abuse and tragedy that no one should endure. She sabotages the relationships in her life and is on a tail spin of worrying herself to death. She’s alone in a crowded room and wanting to scream, but smiles because it’s easier than telling the truth. She doesn’t need a friend because of course other moms see her as strong enough on her own.
Along with all this each and everyone one of these women have their children as their main priority. All they want to do is give the best for their kids, but don’t want to speak to someone else because judgement.
In the world, it’s judge or be judged. The cruelty of mankind has betrayed its own kind by the need of the world’s approval and it has warped our minds. It started on the school yard and the vicious cycle of Red Rover, Red Rover has continued into the mom world. We keep passing around who should be picked last when we should all be begging to pick one another first.
I don’t have the perfect answer, but I know that I’m tired of the hiding. I’m tired of being blown off and I’m tired of passing by others who’s heads hang low their loss of hope in being seen.
First, we have to start by accepting each other as we are, the worst and best parts. Second, we have to believe that there is hope and that we can help one another in all circumstances. Lastly, we have to make a choice to speak up, reach out and hold onto one another for dear life.
Motherhood should be a tribe that strengthens us instead of severing us. As mothers we share a bond that ties us together that we have become too accustomed to breaking. Motherhood should be beautiful and we need to pick up the pieces and create the masterPEACE God intended for us to find in Him through uniting.
Moms — we aren’t loving each other hard enough and our children will end up bearing that burden. Bear the burden of a fellow mom not just for their sanity, but the hope of unity in the futures of our children.
I’m NOT perfect!! I screw up, mess up and guess up, YES — guess up, just as much as any other mother. So, I guess what I’m saying is to find your tribe and love them hard.
I’ll keep trying. I hope you do, too.
Imperfectly Yours,
Katie