PARENTING IS OVERWHELMING

It’s time I cut the crap. You know, this whole raw and real thing only works if you are RAW and REAL. So – this morning as I pull on my running tights, put on the running shirt with hat to match and lace up my running shoes…my brain is literally telling me I am the worst mother on the face of the earth.

Is it self-pity? Self-remorse?

HECK NO! You see, tragic experiences as a parent leave a lasting impact.

Why?

BECAUSE PARENTING IS OVERWHELMING!!

Seeing your child struggle for air. Seeing your child lifeless. Seeing your child helpless causes a parent to somewhere, deep down inside, question themselves. WHAT? You want the happy go lucky stay strong in every storm post? Well, to get to that point rough waters must be ridden and “self-pity” must be overcome. Letting go of the worst mother label you put on YOURSELF, must be dealt with.

Let me put your mind at ease because I am in no way ever going to say I know what it is like to lose a child because I never have. I have lost siblings and family members, but never have I ever fully lost my daughter. Not even 4 months ago, I breathed life back into my daughter’s lungs. I only wish and pray that every parent that had to give their child CPR had a happy story at the end. My heart is burdened for those parents each day and I will always remind my daughter how overwhelmingly blessed she is that she gets to breathe in a new breath of life daily; as we are all so lucky that are reading this.

But right now, in this moment as I clothe myself to go outside and run I feel unworthy. When my daughter gets sick she goes all out. She takes it as far as she can go before hitting that breaking point. Right now, she has not one, but TWO strains of the flu virus coursing through her, a painful urinary tract infection, pink eye and an ear infection in her left ear. God bless my husband and his loving words, “Babe go run I will watch her. You need to get away for just a little bit.”

My female mother brain: What?!? You want me to leave and make it look as if I do not care about our daughter? Why should I put myself first?!? She is sick and running isn’t going to help her. Running will not take the pain away. Running will not heal her. Running will not add years or quality to her life!!

Before my words are spoken my husband says, “You are an amazing mother and Gracie will be here when you are done. Go do your fearless superwoman things.”

My husband.

My rock.

My clarity.

So yeah. My baby girl is extremely sick and I’m about to go out for a long run. Not because I do not care. HEAVENS NO! It’s because I want my baby girl to be fearless in all circumstances, especially the scary ones. That is the whole point of why I am running the Boston Marathon!! On my long runs, I pray, A LOT. I pray about anything and everything I could possibly fathom and today I’ll be praying and pleading God’s healing over my daughter and every other child that is sick and every parent that prays for one more moment with their little ones.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I promised you real and raw. I pray you hear my sincerity && the steadfast love I have for my daughter. In the overwhelming moments, she always gives me peace and a reason to be fearless. 

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie

1AM WHISPERS

OVERWHELMED. 

UNQUALIFIED.

UNWORTHY.

JUST GIVE UP!

Yeah. Those my 1 am whispers that keep me up at night.
Those are the monsters that I wish would just go back and lay under my bed instead of in my head.

Yeah. I hate those 1 am whispers.

Those whispers that tell you that you can't do it. Those whispers that say," You don't know anyone generous enough. No one really thinks you can accomplish this goal anyway so why keep kidding yourself?!?"

Yeah. I hear them too. I hear them in the moments when I am tired and exhausted. I hear them when I am at my weakest and even at my strongest.

However. There is a choice to be made at around 1:02 am when all you want to do is scream at the voice in your head telling you that you aren't good enough!!

You rebuke those voices and tell them to go back to the pits of hell that they came from because you are going to step out!! You are about to do something that God has qualified within you!! You are about to do something that God has chosen to make you worthy of and that He has placed inside of you with a burning passion of desire.

Hebrews 12:1 mandates this, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." He says not just to run the race, but to ENDURE the race. To endure proves that trials will come during the journey and hardships will attempt to trip you up, but that does not mean you are to succumb to the world -- to the whispers.

When all is said and done I want to be able to stand before God on my judgement day and say with humbled confidence, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith," said in 2 Timothy 4:7. I don't want to just to finish the race, but keep the faith in finishing!

Yeah. While I sit here at 1:10 am and rebuke the voices, I will choose to arise for His kingdom, for His glory and for His honor. Today, tomorrow and always.

Claim that which God has put within you and make it your goal for this world.

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie

CHALKBOARD LESSONS

As my beautiful daughter was drawing on her chalkboard yesterday -- God gave us a quick lesson.

 

Have you ever used brand new chalk? It kind of SUCKS!! It messes up your board and makes a sound that causes dogs to bark UNTIL it is either broken or worn down. After that the chalk is able to leave an imprint better than when it was brand new.

To me -- it's like faith. Until we are dealt trials and persevere through some of life's worst storms our faith isn't really tested. Every test that knocks us down and throws us around is part of our testimony. When we can glorify God during the hard times and remain praising Him after we get back up; we are truly gaining strength as a disciple of Christ.

“But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold." Job‬ ‭23:10‬

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie 

NEVER A PERFECT DAY

NOPE. 

NEVER had one perfect day. 

EVER!!

Maybe today she won't have a temper tantrum.

Maybe today she won't try climbing on the oven. 

Maybe today she won't attempt eating dog food.

Maybe today she won't take her clothes off and run around naked.

Maybe today she won't try playing with the electrical sockets. (YES. They are "baby proofed" BUT that doesn't stop my little engineer.)

With so many maybes looming around and waiting to be answered there's one fact that remains true. On all these days of maybe -- she needs me. She needs me to teach her. She needs me to guide her. She needs me to show her right from wrong. She NEEDS ME, her mother.

Yeah. 

We have A LOT of maybe days.

But she still NEEDS me. 

EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

&& knowing that makes the maybe days perfect.

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie

TODDLER OR TEENAGER

She turned 16 months November 23rd!

 

She thinks she turned 16-years-old.

Tantrums? Oh yes. We started those. The ones where she dramatically throws her entire body into those flailing possessed-looking back-bends. They're super fun!!

I'm a marathoner momma and my child seems to test me more than any distance ever could. My patience runs low and I must put my mind in the right place because when those tantrums go nuclear I have to be prepared for the storm ahead.

My point? It's hard.

New moms? It's okay.

Veteran moms? GOD BLESS YOU!

Here's my other thing. Moms with more than one child, I don't know how you do it. I truly commend you! HOWEVER, please be kind and remember what it was like when you only had one child. Remember the fear of not knowing and remember the self-doubt you put upon yourself when you did not know what to do.

I say this because many times in passing or conversation I hear women say, "Oh sweetie you only have one child so you shouldn't complain. That's a walk in the park compared to my FIVE!" Momma with five children, you're right. It is a walk in the park, but having more than one child doesn't make someone more of a mother than a woman with one child. I say this graciously and from the bottom of my heart, being a mother is such a blessing in WHATEVER WAY you became a momma!! 

Mommas, whether you have one child or three children -- help one another!! Motherhood should not be a place to one up your lady friends, save that for Mario Brothers. The teenaged-toddler years are hard enough preparing us for the real teenage years later on.

Let's stop comparing our walks in motherhood and advise each other instead. Motherhood is a blessing, let's choose to do more in honoring that role.

Be a PEACE in the storms && SHARE your WISDOM.

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie