LATE NIGHT VULNERABLE RAMBLINGS

Maybe I’m the only one that thinks this way, but I doubt it. I know we all have bad days, good days, depressing days, top of the mountain days — even just numb days. 

There are moments of some days when I think — am I really doing all I am capable of or am I allowing my submissive kindness, that society calls respect, of those who have matured in age around me to stand in the way of my potential? 

I guess I question more and more as time goes on whether my decision making, in the case of staying safe, has been altered because I want to make others happy. OF COURSE IT HAS!! 

In the past three years I’ve learned more than ever that my husband and daughter come first and foremost. Those two are my heart and I — I — I am my life. I can control whether I choose right, left, backward, or forward. The choice to go forward takes a leap of faith, but to remain is to choose now. 

Now is good, now is even great, but we can’t stay in now forever. 

I miss my siblings, those whom have passed away. What would they say to me today? I miss my siblings, those whom I never get to see. We’re so much alike it’s uncanny that we never grew up together, but in the end we always have each other. 

In the doubt that anyone will read this far, I’ll add this, too. I miss my sibling whom I’ve never known. That thought keeps me awake at night and even during the day — I hope their life is full of abundance today. Maybe, one day, I’ll get to know her. 

Here’s to late night ramblings and thoughts I should keep to myself, rather than typing or writing them down. I’m simple, but complicated and to my husband — he’s the epitome of love and grace on earth.

Maybe you’re in a situation with too many looming decisions, life seems overwhelming. You can trust the constant presence of Christ. He sees you. He hears you. He remembers your struggles and is ready to guide and comfort you and your loved ones.

Fearlessly Yours,

Katie

HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL

We can’t say thank you enough for all the love and prayers our baby girl has received!!  Despite the creepy cuteness, we woke up at home yesterday morning instead of a hospital room.  We spent the yesterday playing inside and resting when needed.  You could say I’m partial, but Gracie is absolutely one of the STRONGEST girls I know.

I‘m always reminded that our days are numbered and life is short.  We don’t know what tomorrow will or will not bring, but I find comfort in knowing that every trial I’m put through is a parallel to God’s trust in me.  When facing a trial I know the strength to be gained will be even greater.  We don’t get to pick or choose our trials, but we do get to choose how or if we overcome.

God began allowing me to endure hard trials a long time ago and through the years I’ve seen them to only become harder.  However, by faith and trust — I CHOOSE to ALWAYS OVERCOME!!  I believe the example being set of that is already being shown through my girl.  We’ve seen Gracie endure some tough physical tests in just her first few years of life.  She likes to scare everyone around her, but always comes through on the other side.

My husband and I have found strength we never knew we had since becoming parents.  Things we once feared are now the moments for which we are prepared.  As I’ve always said, from your darkest pain comes your greatest purpose and what you do with that purpose creates your story.  As we celebrate having overcome this trial we do know that there will only be another trial to overcome in the future.

We still have time to be spent in recovery being at home, but thank goodness it’s not in a hospital bed.  With that — I pray you choose to overcome trials in your life, too.  It’s not easy, but it’s absolutely worth it.

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie

ANOTHER SLEEPLESS NIGHT

Tonight is one of those sleepless nights that I think only other mommas can relate to.

There might be a few dads out there that can relate, but it’s something about a momma’s sixth sense that kicks in on these nights.

Ever since our Gracie had her febrile seizure back in 2016, and I ended up having to perform CPR on her, we have never taken fevers lightly. So, this evening we ended up in urgent care because — HELLO — she had a fever that was spiking and NOTHING would bring it down.

When we left the house her fever was at 102.6° and by the time we got into our urgent care room her fever was at 102.4° — her fever being the only real indicator that something was clearly wrong. 

See, the only real first sign our girl is sick is when she gets super mommy clingy. I’m talking, “Mommy hold me,” for a solid 12 hours and then a fever will usually present itself. It’s pretty much been this way since her birth. However, going to the doctor because your child says, “Mommy hold me,” doesn’t really make a great case for him to work with.

Since she goes and goes all the time she doesn’t know how to pace herself when she’s not feeling well, her energy is the last thing to crash. Instead of resting and allowing her body to balance itself out, even after medicine is involved, we end up on this roller coaster of fevers breaking/spiking and energy/lethargic. So, when she plays the mommy card we know we’re hitting the “just make me better” mark.

Honestly, I have no idea what the post is all about. I’m having one of those nights after an evening at the doctor, getting prescriptions filled, being thrown up on (it’s true), bleh bleh bleh — it’s one of THOSE sleepless nights for this momma.

Maybe it’s from the seizure and CPR of 2016, but all I can do is watch her sleep. I kiss her sweet forehead every 10 minutes to check if the fever is spiking back up. I check her breathing to make sure she’s clearly surviving and I watch for her smile while she sleeps as affirmation of peaceful rest. Every few hours she is awoken by a cough, but I’m already comforting her as I put her back to sleep with a silent back scratch. 

Yeah — I’m sleepy. However, it won’t be like this forever. One day she won’t have me taking care of her and she will have her own children to take care of, but in this moment — she’s my baby girl.

She’s worth a million sleepless nights because Gracie Elizabeth is my tiny human miracle.

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie

A DESIRE FOR FAMILY

I don’t dream to live in a large mansion. My trials and life have given me a heart that yearns to always be humble. I want a tiny house filled with the huge hearts of my family. My daughter and husband are the two people that build me up when I’m at my lowest and strive to see me smile. My ambition is to be a disciple maker and in doing that I get to teach people how to treat their body as a beautiful temple. Health and fitness are not just a lifestyle, but an important factor in respecting the body God created just for you. 

Maybe I’m simple. Maybe I’m spiritual. Maybe I’m a health and fitness guru. No matter what I am perceived to be I am truly a child of God and that is all that matters — the ONLY mansion I desire is above in eternity.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted a family of my own. Yes, I have a family that I love without end. I love my father and mother far more than they will ever know. My desire to see them happy is out of this world and I know I don’t say it enough. However, my parents did divorce when I was very young. Since then I have yearned for a family of my own and prayed for a husband that I can relate to and connect with.

I say all of this with so much love and appreciation for parents that have to make the hard decision to separate. I know life happens and not all plans truly do pan out, but I pray everyday for the unconditional fervent love like Jesus has for His people. I pray everyday that I get to live that out.

I pray the example my husband and I set for our daughter is one that fulfills God’s ordained purpose. I pray that we see each other as the broken people we are, but find God’s masterPEACE through it all.

This is for the blended families just trying to make a way. Pray that God gives you that peace and comfort you need. God’s healing provides a stronghold that is beyond our control and I know God can work it all out for His greater good.

Keep persevering. Continue being faithful. His master plan will prevail and your family will reap the abundant rewards that our Father God has in store.

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie 

DATE NIGHT CONVERSATIONS

Last Saturday night the husband and I went on a date. Nothing “fancy” because let’s be real — anytime this momma fixes her hair apart from church is considered FANCY. 

Any-who, I laughed and smiled more on that date than I think I have in years and I’ll tell you why. We were focused solely on each other!! We put technology away and made the choice to NOT be distracted. 

See, we played a game of questions. Some of the questions we asked each other were: what’s one thing you never had as a child, but wish you had? For me — absolutely a tree house. 

&& we asked...

Who is one person you would want to trade places with for one day? For him — he said me. 

I’m sharing this because I feel like many couples have lost how to keep conversations alive. I’m not saying ALL because I obviously do not know every situation. However, when you strive to keep that spark alive and ask the silly questions that once made you fall madly in love with your human — you’re trying.

Marriage is a choice that you have to make each day. We don’t have it all figured out and have our fair share of disagreements just like any other couple, but I never want us to give up trying. If this can give another couple a place to start a conversation in order to keep trying — there’s hope.

You don’t need “fancy” dates, fixed up hair, and a waiter to create a space or place for you and your spouse. Start at home and let your children see the example you set. Let them in on the love you share as husband and wife. There’s nothing like having a conversation with my husband and daughter. For her to see her father truly focused on her and her mother is EVERYTHING!!

Don’t just build on a firm foundation, but continually FORTIFY the relationship you build upon it.

Imperfectly Yours,

Katie